Today's first gag is brought to you courtesy of Frankie Howard

after another customary error from Wigan's Bramble at the weekend gifted Everton their opener. "Ooo Titus, you silly boy. You are a clutz Tightarse." Or words to that effect.

The win lifts Everton into the supposedly elite top four, and puts all the pressure on Merseyside rivals Liverpool who have so far enjoyed a dismal league campaign, by their lofty standards. The force may be with Everton, who have an unsettling unbeaten run in the league. The stats are with Liverpool however, who have two games in hand. One of which against Aston Villa- and no doubt Martin O Neill's men will use this next encounter against one of Europe's best as a yardstick of both their progress and potential. This is the problem with being a good big club like Liverpool (as opposed to a rubbish big club like Newcastle). Other teams really want to beat you. The measure of a top team therefore, rather than just a very good team, or even a lucky and good team, is to finish in the top 4 in consecutive seasons, at least.

Meanwhile Kevin Keegan's Newcastle got off to a start with what will hopefully prove an atypical performance. A 0-0 against a Bolton team who seem to have internalised the concept of quagmire and reproduce it in the form of tactics on the football pitch.

Fulham continue to plummet Championshipwoods with an air of gritty denial. It would be a shame to see them relegated although in my opinion they ain't been the same team since they lost Saha and Boa Morte. I rarely watch Fulham so could be wrong though. I am also somewhat unsure about Ray Hodgson. I doubt not his experience but his class- I know he did great things and is respected across Scandinavia- but then so are Abba.

And finally a question. There is nearly always a team that looks safe at this part of the season but then implodes and falls into the bottom three to fight in the spring survival dogfight. Who will be this year's surprise relegation package then?

Bolton? too obvious. Spurs- not under Ramos and Poyet (they are missing Poyet at Leeds I think), M'brough- could be... Newcastle....

Having said all that it is always a team no-one expects- at all- West Ham then. Although that is crazy talk.