Freddie Shepherd is poised

to take over another football club, so my sources tell me. Shepherd was the manager of the oft professed "big club" Newcastle Utd, and after selling his megasized portion of the team for 37,000,000 english sterlings he is now on the look out for another club to buy. As Shepherd himself freely admits he hates "soft southern twats that talk posh like and sound like a bunch of benders" and will therefore be zoning his sights in on another club to the north of Nottingham. Shepherd himself has never ventured south. It seems that not only do Southerners talk funny, "but don't put gravy on their chips" either. "I can't stand it down there." added Shepherd. "Its too hot." Leeds, Bolton, and Derby therefore, are all on Shepherd's hit list. As most the people that live around there pronounce bath 'baath' instead of 'barth'.
If I were a Leeds fan Shepherd's interest would bother me. Shepherd is something of a tabloid favourite, and not just because he fills the fat and northern stereotype role. Also because of his penchant for brothels and brashness. By brash I mean rude. Tact has never been his strong point. "I wanted to fire him while he could still remember my name" he famously may as well have said after sacking an ageing, though still iconic, Bobby Robson in 2004. "But I don't want to be remembered as the guy that shot Bambi." Being controversial does not exclude you from being an able chairman however. And in fairness Shepherd did make money for Newcastle, in excess of 8,000,000 english sterlings during his tenure, albeit that this is 4.5 times less profit than his predecessor Hall. What makes him unqualified to take over a club like Leeds however is that he has no experience running things on a tight budget. Splashing out an average of 10,000,000 english sterlings pounds a season on new players. And as chairman of the geordie cash cow he has always been able to spend his club further from trouble when needs be. Attracting big names like Shearer, Owen, and, well, um, Hugo Viana. With Leeds still shuddering at the Ridsdale effect Shepherd is the last thing they need. Without the gate receipts of one of the world's most ardently supported clubs to fall back on god knows what Shepherd would be capable of. Apart from isolating his fan base, something he has done with startling regularity at Newcastle. Either way, expect him to buy Bolton cheap if they go down this season.