Liverpool fluke it (again)

Liverpool somehow found a way passed a "courageous" Liege team last night, with Dirk Kuyt providing a very late winner.

This result is really one of the litany of Liverpool last gasp wins/escapes. It seems every season Liverpool conspire to make the results as close as possible. This makes for high drama, and helps explain the clubs appeal beyond the permed confines of Merseyside.

There is a top 10 but because of the constraints of time ie I do this blog while pretending to work- I'm going to concentrate on just three.

Liverpool's Top 3 European Seatedgers:

3) Madrid 0 Liverpool 1.

Alan Kennedy scores in the 82 minute.

2) Deportivo Alaves 4 Liverpool 5

I am so glad I went to the pub to watch this one. I have a prize for anyone who can remember, without googling, who scored the winner.

1) AC Milan 3 Liverpool 3

Liverpool were 3 0 down to a good Milan side at half time, I almost left the pub but stayed to giggle at scouser carnage and shattered dreams. In the canon of greatest comebacks of all time.

At last! some football to speak of

fuck transfer sagas. fuck michael phelps. fuck the south african cricket team. football is back, not that it ever went away.

STEVE MCLAREN 'OUTWITS' WENGER (but loses 2-0)

Steve Mclaren's team got off to a losing start in Europe last night. Despite this they created some good chances, befitting of one of the leading teams in one of Europe's leading football nations. It all went to Mclaren's head, so accustomed had he become to watching lacklustre England displays. When asked in a post match press conference if his teams good performance was evidence that he had outwitted Wenger, he replied that he had. Yes, outwitted him him so thoroughly that he ended up losing 2-0. His rival managers in the dutch league will be hoping he 'outwits' them all season then.

LIVERPOOLS REF SLUSH FUND SEES THEM THROUGH

Liverpool somehow got through an away game with Standard Liege with only a 0-0 scoreline. Having seen a perfectly legitimate goal disallowed the Belgian team then missed a penalty, and had another good chance cleared. Word is that Liverpool were 'lucky'. We may well ask- when was the last time Liverpool were on the receiving end of an 'unlucky' refereeing decision?

Random none football related observation.

Even if Liverpool played live on channel 5 tonight that is not worth writing about. I feel ashamed even mentioning it- it was that dull.

However, I did see this gem on the Virgin Media homepage. "Big Brother Losers!

Sex work, teaching, unemployment - we take a look at how low former BB stars have crashed since their appearance."

Teaching?! In just what kind of esteem do we hold teachers in this society of ours. Apparently they kind of parallel with sex workers and the unemployed in terms of prestige.

I'd like to reverse the logic of this statement a bit and write instead.

"Big Brother Losers!

How low BB 'stars' have plumetted since leaving their former occupations as sex workers, teachers, and the unemployed, to feature on the show"

The next step for this show should be, rather than having a public vote, introduce a homicidal maniac into their midsts, and watch them panic and turn on one another as they are picked off one by one.

And this season's award for most undeserved

equaliser goes to.... drumroll... Chelsea!

What a delicious, cruel, twist of fate to concede a potentially crucial goal, so late on, having relatively easily seen off such lacklustre opposition for 94 minutes. Chelsea somehow dragged out this unmerited draw. And it could well be enough to see them through to the final.

The result is something of a conundrum for Chelsea too. For while they would certainly have settled for 1-1 before the game, they played so poorly last night that none of the pressure will have been lifted on Avram Grant. Indeed, to see such a collection of players defending so deep, and banging so many long balls forward, was bewildering.

It is 'results that count though innit'. And if Chelsea can play so badly against a team as good as Liverpool and still somehow walk away with a draw, then at their peak you are looking at a very dangerous team. Even champions in the waiting. Liverpool are not beaten yet however, and have comeback in Europe from shit thrice deeper than this. So, to coin a phrase which I am sure features elsewhere, it is all poised nicely for the 2nd leg at Stamford Bridge

There is no crisis at Arsenal

There should be no crisis at Liverpool but there is. Rick Parry, despite overseeing one of Liverpool's most successful ever stints, has his card marked by at least one Texan. Presumably, as a good scouse, he is not so keen on the asset stripping that would see a quick ROI. If his sacking begins to look properly likely, rather than Daily Hate Mail reported upon, expect marches and protests and (more) death threats.

Word has it that Avram Grant is a dead man walking. Seems a bit harsh, he's done as well as could be expected following in Mourinho's 'special' footsteps, apart from the Carling Tinware result, and one wonders who exactly could replace him. My bet would be, if Croatia do REALLY well in the Euros- Slavan Billic. More likely however is Frank Rijkaard whose gallatico juggling skills are well up to speed after fucking around at Barcelona. Both these candidates, crucially, look the part, and will walk the walk. They have that rockstaresque kudos and glamour needed at Stamford Bridge these days. Both are handsome enough for Chelsea.

For what it is worth here were my predictions at the beginning of the year.

First manager to be sacked. Sammy Lee.

Arsenal
Man U (FA Cup and Carling Cup)
Chelsea (Champions League)
Liverpool
Everton
Villa
Newcastle
Spurs
Man City
Blackburn
West Ham
Portsmouth
Boro
Bolton
Birmingham
Fulham
Reading
Sunderland
Wigan
Derby

England not to qualify for the Euros.

All in all an inaccurate, middling, and predictable litany of errors and lucky guesses so far.

I certainly did not foresee such a good year for Welsh sport. Swansea promoted. Cardiff in the FA cup final. And a Welsh grandslam in the Rugby. Neither did I in my wildest fantasies guess that Ryan Sidebottom would be transformed from county journeyman to England match winner.

Great game. Never a penalty though.

A decision straight from the Anfield Refs' Slush Fund.

Random observation: Rafa Benitez looks like the kind of guy who would eat a packet of peanuts in front of you but not offer you any. Avram Grant on the other hand, he is the sort of guy that would offer you half the packet.

Grant: Fancy some peanuts?

"Arsenal only have a chance of winning

one competition this year now" said Rafa Benitiez last night. Hoping no doubt to amass a degree of psychological pressure over Arsenal last night. Arsenal are now a bit off the pace in the premiership, and have struggled to find form post Milan, but Benitez forgot one crucial fact. Liverpool only have a chance of winning one competition this year too, havng failed magnaminously in every other competition. So it easy to imagine Wenger giving his comment the old Gallic shrug and muttering "pot-kettle-black" underneath his breath; except in French. then adding "at least we were setting the pace at christmas, and around at Easter in the premiership."

Who will win tonight? God knows. But I doubt God cares. Even if he did he would continue his well practiced habit of non-intervention in the free market. The form book says it will be a draw. And while home advantage favours Liverpool they have been unspectacular at Anfield this season so you can make optimistic predictions for Arsenal too. My advice, consult the oracle to Delphi, or toss a coin. There is that little between the two sides. If, and it is a big if but very possible none the less, it goes to penalties, I favour Arsenal as they have less English players. More than that I could not possibly say.

The Merseyside Derby:

I am prejudiced. I have been a supporter of Everton since I was six years old. Basically it was a toss up between Man U, who my brother supported, Southampton, who my dad supported, and Everton, who my best friend supported. I went for Everton as I liked the colour blue. And I have stuck with them ever since.

This weekend sees the most important Derby in ages. Win and Everton soar to 4th, and will surely gain the confidence needed to successfully fight for that last Champion's league spot. Lose and Liverpool will surely bed down and make the inevitable march to Europe next season with the other Big 3. Again.

So what we have this weekend is not just Red vs Blue. Certainly not Protestant vs Catholic, that went out of fashion years ago. Instead you have a Well Managed Club with a Proud History, like most of the top flight, vs a Club That Has Been Less Well Managed (Financially) of Late but has enjoyed the cash bonanza and BIG 4 status for a long time. So really it is the BIG 4 vs the Also Rans and the apple cart is all set for an upset. (That last bit is my entry in the worst metaphor of all time competition).

Every neutral should be rooting for Everton this weekend. If only so that those of us who spurn the BIG 4 can start dreaming of the end of an era again. That is if you ever bought that in the first place. If Liverpool win it most likely stays as it is for at least another season, with the rest of scratching round for the scraps and the hope of a good cup run. If Everton get 4th spot, Portsmouth get the FA Cup with Spurs having already secured the Carling Cup we'll have had the most significant season in many a year. C'mon you Blues.

Today's first gag is brought to you courtesy of Frankie Howard

after another customary error from Wigan's Bramble at the weekend gifted Everton their opener. "Ooo Titus, you silly boy. You are a clutz Tightarse." Or words to that effect.

The win lifts Everton into the supposedly elite top four, and puts all the pressure on Merseyside rivals Liverpool who have so far enjoyed a dismal league campaign, by their lofty standards. The force may be with Everton, who have an unsettling unbeaten run in the league. The stats are with Liverpool however, who have two games in hand. One of which against Aston Villa- and no doubt Martin O Neill's men will use this next encounter against one of Europe's best as a yardstick of both their progress and potential. This is the problem with being a good big club like Liverpool (as opposed to a rubbish big club like Newcastle). Other teams really want to beat you. The measure of a top team therefore, rather than just a very good team, or even a lucky and good team, is to finish in the top 4 in consecutive seasons, at least.

Meanwhile Kevin Keegan's Newcastle got off to a start with what will hopefully prove an atypical performance. A 0-0 against a Bolton team who seem to have internalised the concept of quagmire and reproduce it in the form of tactics on the football pitch.

Fulham continue to plummet Championshipwoods with an air of gritty denial. It would be a shame to see them relegated although in my opinion they ain't been the same team since they lost Saha and Boa Morte. I rarely watch Fulham so could be wrong though. I am also somewhat unsure about Ray Hodgson. I doubt not his experience but his class- I know he did great things and is respected across Scandinavia- but then so are Abba.

And finally a question. There is nearly always a team that looks safe at this part of the season but then implodes and falls into the bottom three to fight in the spring survival dogfight. Who will be this year's surprise relegation package then?

Bolton? too obvious. Spurs- not under Ramos and Poyet (they are missing Poyet at Leeds I think), M'brough- could be... Newcastle....

Having said all that it is always a team no-one expects- at all- West Ham then. Although that is crazy talk.