Thank fuck that's over.

Way back in the day, when Man U somehow contrived to score not one but two last gasp goals against Bayern Munich there was widespread revellry. Not only had an English team finally won the European Cup again, but we'd beaten the Germans too. A few years later Liverpool somehow overcame a 3-0 half time score to make the comeback of comebacks in possibly the greatest final ever. Even Everton fans were won over by it. Last night's final offered us none of this stirring drama, even if it did manage to be quite exciting none-the-less. Here are the football overdose highlights:

Frank Lampard dedicating another goal to his mother.
Ronaldo tumbling over like an unbalanced chess piece everytime anyone came within tackling distance.
Drogba also tumbling over like an unbalanced chess piece everytime anyone came within tackling distance.
Wayne Rooney, england's great white hope dope, being substituted.
Ronaldo missing a penalty, again.
Hardman John Terry, Chelseaman, missing a penalty and falling over at the same time.
ronaldo sobbing in relief into the turf that his penalty miss wuyld not cost themthe title.
Alex Fergusson's ice cream man suit. Make mine a 99 with hazelnuts and chocolate sauce. (I can't find a pic of this)

But yes, well done Man U, comiserations chelsea and Avram Grant (that will be the last we see of him).

OK- soon to come the fotball oversdose review of the year, and then its the Euros...
Make sure you visit the Onion Bag soon and check out all there Eurotacular material- follow the lnk over there>>>>

The final throes of another season:

The footballing year shifts up a gear now, and for some, like Man Utd, every game is significant, and has preorgasmic intensity. For others, out of the hunt for Europe cups, and titles, the season's efforts have again proved to be squandered on nothing but fantasy. There is no victory at the end of the sweat. That is sport for you. Many live in hope of ardent and elusive glory, and the sacrifice that makes the dream worthwhile. The rest of us get our rocks off watching. Not that footballing stars sacrifice that much these days. Not for them the fruits of Sparta or self righteous Stoic pleasures, as in days gone by. No, in fact footballers exist in a decadence vacuum of classical proportions, or so the media would have us believe. Footballers are portrayed as living in a world powered and made real by hype, flash bulb, gasoline, high fashion, orgiastic, dice rolling, high jinx. Which makes our oggling into the football shaped fishbowl that much more pleasing, and our submersion in the games that much more vicarious. In the words of Depeche Mode we "just can't get enough." In the words of Murdoch's brainfreezing, bile inducing, cock twitching, tabloid minion The Sun, edited by the impish and despicable Rebekah Wade- "We Love It." We should be thoroughly ashamed of ourselves for taking even the slightest interest in any of it. Hey-ho.

So convinced are Man U of their current footballing virulence that they were actually sure, almost certain, that they could travel down to Stamford Bridge, last weekend and pretty much seal the deal on this year's premiership title. Possible granted, but I can certainly imagine there are easier games against, say Wigan, or Derby, where one would hope to clinch the league. As far as league clinching venues go Stamford Bridge is pretty low down the list really. I am not too surprised Man U lost. And that it was such a close game. Equally, I would not have been surprised had they won. Footabll's like that. I am surprised though about the manner of their defeat. The pram upsetting petulance of it all. Ferguson's riling against officialdom, like he does every time Utd lose. Rio Ferdinand attacking inanimate objects and female stewards, and senior Manchester Utd players embroiled in post match fisticuffs. Pathetic really. And maybe not the best way to prepare for a crucial CHAMPIONS LEAGUE encounter against Barcelona. A game, which were Utd to lose, would mean they only have a chance of 'winning one title this season'. As if that was so bad. Modern day footballing success of course is measured in doubles and trebles, such are the expectations of the Big 4. Winning, or mostly winning, is simply not good enough.

Avram Grant can be be disappointed however that despite his side winning, and now having every chance of a premiership title that was written off a few weeks back, no-one has really said anything about his job being any safer, concentrating instead on Man U's post match shenanigans.

And this season's award for most undeserved

equaliser goes to.... drumroll... Chelsea!

What a delicious, cruel, twist of fate to concede a potentially crucial goal, so late on, having relatively easily seen off such lacklustre opposition for 94 minutes. Chelsea somehow dragged out this unmerited draw. And it could well be enough to see them through to the final.

The result is something of a conundrum for Chelsea too. For while they would certainly have settled for 1-1 before the game, they played so poorly last night that none of the pressure will have been lifted on Avram Grant. Indeed, to see such a collection of players defending so deep, and banging so many long balls forward, was bewildering.

It is 'results that count though innit'. And if Chelsea can play so badly against a team as good as Liverpool and still somehow walk away with a draw, then at their peak you are looking at a very dangerous team. Even champions in the waiting. Liverpool are not beaten yet however, and have comeback in Europe from shit thrice deeper than this. So, to coin a phrase which I am sure features elsewhere, it is all poised nicely for the 2nd leg at Stamford Bridge

Avram Grant gave a very terse press conference

last night after his team's 1-0 win over Everton. "Do you have a message for the fans Avram?"

"No message" And everyone waited for him to carry on speaking. But he didn't. There was an awkward silence filled only by the murmuring of journalists and the occasional camera flash.

What he was thinking of course was 'why yes, I have a message. You are a bunch of insufferable cunts with overly demanding expectations. Not all of, but some of you. With your Uncle Avram this, and your Uncle Avram that, and the team are just not playing well enough opinions you overheard or read somewhere. Most of you have never even been to Stamford Bridge. You cunts.'

But he didn't say that. Diplomatically. Wish he had. He may well also think, not without entitlement, that could the fans and the board support him at least until it becomes obvious they will not win a title this year. Chelsea should win a title every year with their resources, but n fairness to Grant they are in the hunt for two, and have made a pretty damn good fist of it in the others.

Abramovic of course is apparently disappointed with Grant, as he was with Mourinho, because the team are just not 'entertaining enough'. May I suggest he abandons football then, which is made exciting only by virtue of the long boring bits in between, which then seem intriguing rather than entertaining, and invest instead in some kind of Circus. Cirque De Soleil perhaps. They are always entertaining. Or get himself to Stringfellows or other greased up pole dancing club. That would surely be entertaining for him.

The flipside of Chelsea's pathetic wealth induced whinging would be Everton. Who are happy now just to be hunting down a UEFA Cup spot having built a team with the fraction of the resources. They regularly fail to 'entertain' but the fans don't let it bother them. This is what fans, and people like me, supporters, do. They support their team. They cheer them on. They want the best of them. And this is tempered by a weird mixture of optimism and realism. And this is it, Chelsea fans (the new Chelsea fans) are not optimistic or realistic. They have had, and have, the best roubles can buy them, and it just ain't good enough. Fuck 'em.

(PLUG: Lee at La Liga Review inspired this article with his comment below- go check out his La Liga Review website and learn something about Spanish football if you ain't already)

I don't like hyperbole. Honestly.

But as this weekend approaches it is make or break time for Avram Grant's Chelsea. There I said it, and I mean it too. A win and Chelsea are right back in the mix for the Premiership, lose and they will start to look, and feel, like Also Rans. Just looking through the names on Chelsea's team sheet, the depth of expensive talent in practically every position, you realise that failing to win a trophy should be unthinkable for that team. It may be difficult to juggle and manage the egos and big personalities but that, correct me if I am wrong, is what first class managers are expected to do. If Capello can be let go at Madrid having delivered them La Liga, and if Mourinho can be got rid of having brought Chelsea the most success ever, Grant should be fired with a tarnished reputation if Chelsea were to finish third and without one measly trophy, not even the tinware Carling Cup. With such an embarrassment of riches at his disposal it should not be that hard really. I reckon given a squad like that Alan Curbishely, Sam Allardyce, or David Moyes, could do it.

The rush of substitutions and negativity that foxed Chelsea against a rampant Spurs (and I truly rate Ramos and his coaching staff- especially Poyet) reminded me of another Chelsea coach. Not of Mourinho's guile and showmanship, but of Ranierri- the so called 'tinker man'. Difference being of course that Ranierri was a dead man walking at that stage in his career, and may have even be looking to be sacked so as to ensure a hefty severance package; but Grant, having been cherry picked by Abramovic, has the full support of the board. The pressure must be intense.

So it is crunch time at Stamford Bridge. The Kennsington twats and glory hunters expect. It is time for Chelsea to stand up and be counted and show us who they are.

My money is on Arsenal.

Does this constitute a proper footballing article? I have not written one for weeks.