Last night

rather than tuck myself up, with the works of Robert Frost, to read about the Triple Godess, the blessed mooncrone, my girlfriend and I watched the National Television Awards instead. The only thing that got read was teletext, when I checked the Carling Cup scores. First, as this is a football blog, let me give you the lowdown in typical News In Brief Style.



...Everton last night scraped through to the last eight of the Carling Cup after a hard fought win over League 1 Luton. Despite making all the running the Toffees were unable to break a down a dogged and determined Luton defence until Tim Cahill, still returning from injury, converted Thomas Gravesen's extra time corner for a late winner. The win ensures Everton will play one of their Premiership rivals in the next round...



Enough of that. If you want more I suggest you head elsewhere. Now, the NTA awards!



The biggest shock of the night was Ant and Dec winning the the Best Presenter Award, despite the fact that they are clearly two people. Surely the award they should have won was the Best Presenters' Award. They obviously enjoy a a relationship of symbiotic dependency to such an extent that they are no longer seen as one person. Their consciousnesses merging into one sentiency, Burroughsesque, the one fading to insignificance without the other. Every time I see Ant and Dec I am unable to forget the image of Duncan from Byker Grove (played by one of them, Dec, I think) being brainwashed by a Tai Chi instructor. Maybe this layed the spiritual groundwork for his later soul convergence with Ant/PJ.



Trevor Mcdonald, hosting the affair, revealed a hitherto concealed lightness of touch. He deserted his sombre catastrophe announing sobriety for an all togehter more open and approachable style . He even gave the audience a cheeky wink at one point, when talking about the news at 10 being back in the New Year. This switch to panache light was a bit disconcerting. Like John Motson suddenly revealing a hidden talent as a childrens' entertainer.



Eastenders won best soap. Their new producer mumbled incoherently in the background to Dot while stumbling around like an overgrown toff. He looked thoroughly flumoxxed by the whole hoo-ha.



...

Back to the football however: teletext reported on Bolton's match by writing "Gary Megson enjoyed his first defeat as Bolton manager" Like he was some kind of maschocist who contrived to lose whenever he could. Looking at this record that would explain a lot.



There was no giant killing in the cup last night, although the Foxes and Luton both came close. But then, even if a smaller club does somehow manage to invert the form book, it is a case of winning the battle and not the war. There are always giants. Not just in football too, in all of life. Any Iraqi can tell you that.

Tip for the Carling Cup

Luton has a nice airport. Handy for cheap flights to Spain. Other than that it is a boring, horrid, town. Too far away from London to be cool. Too close to benefit from being out of it. It is a dreary suburban netherworld where tossers live. No wonder then that they are hoping for a good run in the Carling Cup. The second most pointless competition in domestic football, after the is.it.still.sponsered.by.autoglass? vase.

Everton's cup form is very dicey too. The attritional style football lends itself well to beleaguering league campaigns but less well to the cut and thrust of cup competition. Added to that Everton are also in the UEFA Also Rans and so a trifront campaign might well be beyond the limits of what is still quite a small squad. Luton are also playing at home. 1-0 to Luton after a dull hardfought borefest is the prediction. I am being a bit harsh on Everton here. Hiding my passion for them behind cynicism. Mcfadden is a flair player, and he is flickering encouragingly. Arteta is positively shining. Tim Cahill is back too.

This prediciton of course covers me emotionally for all eventualities. If Everton win I am happy. If Everton lose I am still happy as I am proved to be right. Peter Cook used to employ a similar logic betting against Spurs everytime they played.

The Carling Cup of course is part of a great tradition in football sponsorship in as much as it is sponsered by a brand that has nothing whatsoever to do with the idea of excercise. Mcdonalds, Playstation, and Coca Cola form the rest of the canon. While associating with the vitality, heroism, and excitement, that is football, these brands want nothing more than than for you to grow fat and old and broke having spent all your money on junk food and wasted your life sat in front of the idiot box. Well, I call that wasting, others of you might call it coping. Others yet might call it enjoying the trappings of modern Britain.

Before you all rush off to William Hills and stump up a proportion of your hard earned salary/unemployment benefits on a Luton win remember two things. Luton are 49 places below Everton in league placings. And the last time the two teams met Everton won 4-0.

HYPOCRISY ALERT: I might be carrying adverts for coco-cola by this time next week ;-)