And now Kevin Keegan is quitting

(again).

I haven't read the full story yet but I am guessing he will say, in his post-quit press conference "I'm not a quitter, and I love this club, it is a BIG CLUB, and one of the best in the world. My heart is with Newcastle. But I honestly think I have taken the club as far as I can. Someone better than me needs to take over this club, in order to take it where is deserves to be." He'll then prattle on and the words BIG CLUB will contiue to trip out of his gob, every other sentence, or more.

Dennis Wise, who reportedly turned down the chance to co-star in the latest Guy Richie film, is tipped to take over.

Keegan's record as manager

Newcastle- Quit
Fulham- Quit
England- Quit
Man City- Quit
Newcastle- Quit (again)

Never has anyone been more skilled in the art of making an exit.


Football Overdose is sad to see him go. Together with Schteve Mclaren he is easy target numero uno.

Keegan in sensible outburst shock:

the footballing world blinked slowly yesterday as Kevin Keegan declared, something along the lines of, "Newcastle have no chance of breaking into the Big 4". A startlingly realistic observation from a most unlikely source that confirmed what every other football fan knew long ago, about the same time as Graeme Souness took the reins. Keegan even broke a lifetime's linguistic habit and instead referred to Newcastle as a "great club" rather than a "big club". Thereby confirming what every football fan knew, well, about 50 years ago. For some reason the media are reporting that club owner Mike Ashley has taken umbrage at Keegan's comments and has summoned him down to London for 'important talks', where, football overdose expects, Keegan will have the strict limits of his transfer budget spelt out to him. Mike Ashley will no doubt be saying something along the lines of "we'll be paying over the odds for mediocrity, like we always have."

In my head the meeting will end with Keegan saying:

"It's going to take time, a whole lot of precious time, it going to take patience and time, to do it right now. It's going to take money, a whole lot of spending money, it's going to take plenty of money, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to to it right child, I mean Mike."

The entire

footballing universe, bar one man, is lamenting the 'tragedy' of Martin Taylor's 'horror tackle' on Arsenal's Eduardo Da Silva. Theo Walcott is secretly delighted. Now, in the absence of more established or trusted talent, is his chance to prove just how prodigious he is, as he is likely to get that 'sustained run' in the team that everyone has been bemoaning. But, comparing him to similar Ex-Arsenal talents- is he more like Nicolas Anelka last seen playing for Chelsea (19 goals in his first 46 Arsenal appearances)? Or like Christopher Wreh, last seen plying his trade at Bishop Stortford (5 goals in 46 for Arsenal)? All English football fans will hope for the latter.

Football Is Not My God Football Overdose joins the fraternity in offering all the best to Eduardo. And Theo- let's hope you can stand up to the plate.

OVERHEARD: Alex Fergusson hollering ironically in the Man U dressing room before yesterday's thrashing of Newcastle- "I'd just love it if we beat them- love it!" guffawing ensued.
QUESTION: What are the odds on Keegan getting sacked, or more likely quitting, before the end of the season?

Keegan Interview

In a full and frank interview with Football Is Not My God Football Overdose Kevin Keegan has outlined his plans for the club.

"We are a big club" he said for the 702nd time since taking over last month, despite startling evidence to the contrary. "and we have big ambitions. I mean, we want to get the bandwagon going at fullsteam so even if we were to be halted it would be unstoppable. I mean, I've noticed the boys are a bit flat right now. I'd like to boost their moral. So I've approached Jessica Alba and asked her to do a half time motivation session for us. I've asked her to smother herself with whipped cream and sing Fog On the Tyne Is all Mine in the style of Marylyn Monroe. That would get the boys happy. I'd also like to get Samantha Janus in to give the players a backrub after the match- and Amy Winehouse to sing at halftime for the crowd. We area big club" he repeated again, gratingly "and this is the sort of thing our players deserve."

He stopped for a minute then and looked delusional. (Inset: Alba and Janus- on their way to Newcastle?)

"I'd lke to make some big signings in the summer too. Like the sort that a big club" he reiterated as if to disguise his doubt "should have. We are willing to pay silly money. I'd like to get Thierry Henry ideally. And Raul. I reckon they'd be priviledged to give up the chance to play in the Champions' League and come and play for a big club" he emphasised "like Newcastle. Not only would we pay them more than anyone would expect, but they could laugh at the girls queueing outside the clubs in the rain and cold in nothing but a boob tube and a miniskirt on a Saturday. I mean, for me, Newcastle is as good and BIG a city as Barcelona or Madrid, or anywhere. That is what the people from here just don't understand."

(Inset: Henry- On his way to Newcastle?)

I actually gave little cheer when I heard Keegan

was going to manage Newcastle again. Yay for him. The most likebale idiot ever to grace the backpages. Who will ever forget his "I'd just love it if we beat them, Love It!" breakdown. Who could forget his spontaneous England resignation speech. "I'm just not up fo the job". Who could forget Faustino Asprilla wobbling down the wing in the Champions League.... Newcastle are no longer in the team I would most like to go down category (that is back with Bolton again). thanks only to Keegan. Welcome back sir.

(image left: Keegan does The Crane while impersonating Daniel Son from Karate Kid)

Meanwhile, time for something completely different. Names. Silly names.

When we were staying in chile a few years back we met a girl in her early twenties, a chilena, and her boyfriend, a swede. Nice couple they were. Bumming around south america selling jewellery, and, when not travelling, they lived communally in a community in the Atacama desert. Like of the sort that went out of fashion in 1969. I can't remember her name. His name is etched into my memory though. It is Recto. Quite a common name in Sweden I understand. In chile however his name brought hilarity- as Recto means rectum in Spanish.

When this nice Swedish lad first met his girlfriend's parents they asked "What is your name then?"
"Recto"
"Yes, that is what they call you, but what is your name...?"

'Why do you mention this?' I hear you cry (proverbally speaking). Well, it is because last night Elano scored for Man City. This brought something to my attention. As my girlfriend fell about laughing like a schoolkid. El ano, in Spanish, means The Anus. Probably the funniest name then , since Kuntz. It is also begging a double entendre. "the defence have been solid today. they're really getting stuck into el ano." Etc.

Next post- greatest potential football double entendres... But first this

A list of Keeganisms

'Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.'
'Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose.'
'We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.'
'You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.'
'Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him'
'I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.'
'I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.'
"In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."